Dive into Yesterday

Oh, cheers Eduardo. There's no denying it, he dived, and the first goal was always going to be important. Celtic have a right to be angry - although if they think that was the sole reason they were knocked out, they are sadly mistaken. You put up a good fight, but in the end you're a load of overly aggressive Scottish lumps who are more adept at kicking shins than a football.

It should be pointed out, though, that it was a dreadful decision by the referee regardless. It wasn't a clear goalscoring opportunity: the ball was heading out of play, Eduardo couldn't catch up, and the goalkeeper made a standard reaction (and actually did well to avoid making contact). The SFA boss has publicly demanded that Eduardo be banned, and knowing UEFA they'll be seriously considering it. I suppose if Celtic had knocked us out partially due to a blatant dive, I'd want the same, but I don't think UEFA would be within their rights to impose a one-game ban for what would have been a yellow card offence.

A clean sheet was pretty important heading into a game at Old Trafford, but there really was nothing we could have done about their goal. Donati's finish was excellent.

In terms of individual performances, the centre backs were yet again superb, Denilson and Ramsey played well, and Eboue had a blinder. Playing much further forward than he's used to as part of the front three, he made some cracking runs, both defensively and in attack, particularly when he reined in the Celtic midfield like some kind of demented sheepdog hoping to reopen a transfer to Italy. He showed his blinding pace further forward, knocking the ball past an advanced backline and outrunning his marker, only to predictably fluff his pass and accidentally hold up play. Still, he was perhaps our best performer, and you can tell he's desperate to get back in the team if he is to stay.

I'm slowly falling in love with Vermaelen. Wenger's clearly realised at long last what our defence has been missing - he might not be as tall, but we've got our Vidic/Skrtel, and dare I say it we now have a complete, top-of-the-table backline. If he can keep up this kind of form, I'll be happier than if I hacked into Ashley Cole's phone to find a text from 'Cheryl Mob' reassuring him that it happens to a lot of men and it's not a big deal.

Now that we're in it, I'm crapping myself ahead of the group stage draw. As a top seed, we're still up against an insanely strong Pot Two, which boasts Inter, Real Madrid, Juventus, and Lyon - our best hope is drawing Sporting Lisbon, Porto or AZ Alkmaar. Pot Three hosts Athletico Madrid, Stuttgart and Bordeaux, so we'll want Besiktas, Dynamo Kyiv, Marseille, Olympiakos or Rangers. Pot Four consists of the usual rubbish, but Standard Liege aren't a bad team and there's one big name in the mix we really don't want: Wolfsburg.

We could be in a group with Inter, Athletico Madrid and Wolfsburg. This draw could be about as helpful to us as a William Gallas book launch.

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Architectures of the Atmosphere

Somehow not quite exhausted over our 90 minutes at Celtic Park, the luck was still lingering over Arsenal this weekend. Diaby’s second could have been called offside, Ramsey was gifted an easy run into an onside position, and Gallas was not only fortunate to stay on the pitch after a tumble by Utaka which, whether innocent or not, could have seen us down to ten men, but to put away another stunner – not satisfied with his sensational butt-cheek slice in midweek, he pounced on a rebound, flicked the ball up as if to toy with David James, then propelled it goalwards with a flamboyant swing of the face.

Diaby already looks much stronger than he did at the end of last season. His passing was superb yesterday, and he won the ball a few times – something he’ll have to do if he’s going to feature more regularly. I’m not sure if he can keep up this kind of form against more physical teams, particularly those who like to retain possession, as the defensive aspect of his game is the one which needs the most improvement. However, the media attention will have done no harm to his confidence, and he’s a different player when he’s on a high.

Aside from Arsenal's great start to the season, I’m relieved that the powers that be have finally made an effort to make the stadium seem a bit more human. Last season the Emirates was simply a concrete basin with numbered quadrants and empty food courts. Walking up the stairwells was like going to work in an industrial estate.

But now, we’re making the Emirates the most daunting venue in all the land. Murals, quadrants named after Arsenal favourites, free scarves, all a good start – let’s go further. Let’s commission all of North London’s finest to drown the stadium in red and white. Spread microphones around under the home fans’ seats to drown out that racket from the visitors. Keep reminding fans to wave their complementary scarves proudly in the air, and announce that any dissidents will be strangled to a slow, painful, polyester-y death by the nearest steward. Put a raised throne in the home dugout for Wenger, with foot-high plastic pre-school chairs in the away dugout. Build enormous statues of the entire Invincibles squad on the plaza to intimidate any opponents and their fans; if the memory of their feat doesn’t command visitors’ respect and fear, then the sheer size of 20 foot, bronze, snarling Vieiras, Campbells and Lehmanns will.

And please, stop playing ‘The Wonder of You’ before games, it is not an exciting song. We need something with at least a tenuous Arsenal link. Daltrey’s ‘Highbury Highs’, although a bit cringing, would at least make sense, even in a temporary capacity. There would be more sense in us playing Sugababes’ ‘About You Now’ than a slow Elvis song – at least they’re English.

Hopefully we’ll come out of the European qualifiers with a healthy margin over the Scots and a healthy squad for United. If we can keep up this form, we could be in great spirits for Old Trafford. And if we’re lucky, maybe Arsene will unleash Little Jack upon the Scots.

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Daemon League

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"Maybe in ten years you will have a European league."

It was with those words that Wenger forever doomed European football on Monday, ensuring that the sport continues happily on its path towards tyranny by the elite. Florentino Perez and Sheikh Mansour bin Zayed Al Nahyan must have been delighted as Arsene discussed the possibility of top clubs breaking away from UEFA. It makes me uneasy when someone with as much influence in the game as our boss throws caution to the wind and starts discussing his vision for the future - maybe if he had a lower standing in football, people would give such infirm ramblings the same consideration as they do those of Martin O'Neill.


"The way we are going, the money coming in from the Champions League, for some clubs, will not be enough anymore."

For God's sake Arsene, we've just spent the last six years trading our profits from Arsenal-brand coffee mugs to bring in children from Africa and South America. We of all teams need Champions League money desperately. But you're right, some teams want more, so where will that put us? You found a fiscal strategy to deal with the start of the Abramovich era and refinancing the stadium loans; surely you're prepared to handle the financial implications of a European league?


"I'm not sure 100% that I am right..."

Three days previously he proudly declared that he had lied during our era of Scholes-like tackling to protect his players; Arsene I love you but you're coming undone...


"... but I feel that there are some voices behind the scenes in our game aiming to do something about a European league, especially if the rules become too restrictive for the big clubs as things currently stand."

Oh good. So we'll all stick up for Chelsea, who tapped up one of our best players and forced a sale, and whose owner I could write a book of complaints about; Barcelona, who bully us relentlessly in the media to secure the likes of Overmars, Petit, Hleb and Henry; Real Madrid who, it has been claimed, are already allowed to sign contracts with players like Cristiano Ronaldo stating that if they don't sign said player in a specific window to match promises made in the club elections, he will be reimbursed; Manchester United, who are drowning in a sea of debt but can still splash out on the likes of Antonio Valencia; and of course, Manchester City, who, not content with having an alleged mass murderer as their previous owner, are now virtually pushing blank contracts across the table and telling players to fill in their desired salary. If those 'restrictive' laws against theft and murder will obstruct them in future, who can blame these poor clubs for running away and setting up a fair footballing society where anyone can join, without being judged for their multi-billion pound tax fraud or frightening human rights record?


"If a European League does happen the question is whether clubs will transfer from a national league or whether it is a franchised European league... I personally believe only in sporting merit, so if one league is created there has to be promotion up and down but that would be, practically, very difficult to resolve."

Very difficult to resolve, ergo not bothered with. Arsene, you're unwittingly encouraging a G14 decampment.


"The scores will be determined not by goals, but by the number of successful passes each team makes. Each club will only be allowed to field one player from its own country. The maximum transfer fee will be in the region of 50 pounds. Outfield players over the age of 30 will be executed at the end of each season. The matches will be refereed by eight foot tall robots with laser beams and an aversion to even slightly physical challenges."

If he had said that, this whole address would actually make a lot more sense.


"I do not want to kill the national leagues so each team should have to play in the national league and in Europe. That means the Euro league taking place in midweek and the national league over the weekend."

First of all, you have put far too much thought into this; second, where do the FA Cup and Carling Cup fit into this two-game-a-week format? The club season would literally take up the entire year, then what would we do with internationals? Are you trying to drive Theo to exhaustion?!


"All this would mean having two teams, basically."

Actually, that means our Carling Cup team would represent us in the Premiership. Arsene, you have my approval...

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The Glasgow School

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Last night was pretty much the only Arsenal game I can think of where we had all the luck.

There were no unfairly disallowed goals, no wrongly awarded penalties, no objectionable bookings; instead the Italian referee held us gently to his bosom and protected us as best he could, scolding a toothless Scottish lout for crashing into one of his continental companions here, laughing off Bendtner's cheeky flick of the forearm in the penalty area there.

But one thing we didn't need luck for was putting the ball in the net - the goals were simply superb. Fabregas chipped a free kick towards the top left-hand corner; Gallas broke from the line and ran underneath it, stooping with all his might and gracefully lifting his rear. Flaunting technique Ronaldinho would envy, he curled the ball with the outside of his right buttock, and it spun for the bottom right-hand corner. The keeper had been fooled, 1-0 the Arsenal. We have finally perfected our set pieces in training.

The second was even better. Diaby played through Gael Clichy who, seeing that Bendtner was unreachable with Gary Caldwell closing the gap, knew he had to find an alternative. With the precision of John Parrott at the peak of his powers, Clichy played his cross off Caldwell's lunging foot into the near corner. 2-0 the Arsenal, another gem from the Wenger school of sexy football.

Meanwhile, there were some great individual performances at the other end. From what I've seen so far of Vermaelen, Wenger has made one hell of a signing, all the more impressive considering his track record of splashing out on attackers while blooding Swiss pre-teens in defence. The guy is the kind of centre-back the rest of the top four, indeed several below have always had, yet we've long been crying out for. His sprint back to prevent what would have been a certain goal is genuinely one of the most outstanding pieces of defending I have ever seen, and the non-Arsenal fans with whom I watched the game were impressed by his overall performance. He was either bloody brave or absolutely mental to throw himself headlong towards the outstretched boot of Scott Brown; either way, he's likely to get a great reception on his Emirates debut after two excellent performances. I loved Kolo, but you wouldn't see him doing that - even if he'd managed to track back, he'd have panicked, ran straight into the back of Brown and bundled him over, arms outstretched in the vain hope of escaping punishment.

Song was, again, superb. I was, and I suppose still am, keen for us to bring in Vieira, partly because any other defensive midfielder we were linked with would have most likely cut down Song's playing time dramatically. In fact, the current midfield of him, Denilson and Fabregas has worked brilliantly in the first two games, and I hope they can all stay fit. Song looks like he's bulked up even more over the summer - he's an absolute beast, and he just can't be knocked off the ball. On top of that, he juggled over an opposition midfielder's head. After a good cameo and a hand in the second goal, Diaby may have improved and may finally have his big season, but I've never seen him have the calm or the confidence to do that. Preferably he won't ever try: the ball might, with some luck, arc over his opponent's head, but his shin would almost certainly follow a slightly lower trajectory directly into the poor fellow's mouth.

I await the Portsmouth game with cautious optimism. Hopefully their takeover won't be completed before then, because it will be much nicer to play them when they're all depressed.

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Joining the Jet Set

Jay Emmanuel Thomas has gone out on a month's loan to Blackpool, where presumably over the course of 30 days he will transform into a mature, experienced player before our very eyes. He will return after four and a half weeks a new man, having eradicated any errors from his game and learned everything he needs to know about first team football.

In 30 days' time, he will sit behind the subs next to a barely present Philippe Senderos, nodding his head sagely as Song picks out a four-yard pass to Cesc, shaking his head with a slight chuckle as Cesc plays a ball over the top for Diaby, only to see the monstrous Frenchman duck and wipe out the nearest opposition player as he hits the floor screaming and fanning his face effeminately.

He will stroll into training each day with the swagger of a man who has learnt the ins and outs of football, having known the trials and tribulations of fighting for a vital place in the Championship mid-table. Aaron Ramsey and Jack Wilshere will whisper excitedly as he strides confidently by alongside a similarly cultured Armand Traore, the two former loanees holding a grown-up conversation about playing in a small, non-concrete stadium with the tone of two Vietnam veterans. Spotting his fans, Thomas will reach into his varsity jacket, emblazoned with the initials JET, and pull out a Blackpool FC keyring; with a deep, clear "here kid, catch" he will casually flick it, barely glancing, for a trembling Ramsey to pluck from the air. As their hero swings his kitbag over his shoulder and disappears into the changing rooms, Ramsey and Wilshere will jump up and down, screaming into each other's faces with glee.

In Carling Cup games, Captain JET will lead his young disciples out of the tunnel, smirking at the familiar sight of thousands of screaming fans waving supportive, crudely decorated cardboard placquards, greeting the referee with a pat on the back. At half time, on the way into the tunnel, the scorer of a 45-minute hat-trick will stop to sign an autograph for a young boy wearing a home shirt adorned with his hero's name and the number 38, scruffing his hair as he departs; the young boy will burst into tears, proudly holding his trophy aloft, while nearby children return to their seats dejected.

So mark your calendars: 17th September 2009, the day our young squad comes of age; the day an apprehensive Denilson leaps into the arms of a disquieted Alex Song, pleading for words of comfort; the day Arsenal finally become contenders for the title that has evaded their grasp for six long years.

Of course, his loan will probably be extended by a couple of months.

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Six Blade Knife

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It’s important not to get overexcited about what happened yesterday, but it’s still important to enjoy it because it was sheer bliss. No matter how this season turns out, we still play the best football in the country bar none.

Of course, it could easily have been one of those understated 1-0 wins or even goalless draws we became accustomed to last season, had it not been for the breathtakingly inept performance of Messieurs Lescott & Yobo. They spent the whole 90 minutes wobbling nervously on a figurative high wire between two outcomes: a) backing up, holding a solid line and inviting our forwards onto them, and b) backing into Tim Howard, holding a blazing row and inviting our forwards into a vacant six-yard box. The latter very nearly came to fruition at one point, when Howard’s remarkable grip on the ball prevented a wild-eyed Cesc from turning a 6-1 home defeat into something really embarrassing.

That isn’t to say that our players didn’t excel. Van Persie was exceptional, providing an uncanny impression of a Dennis Bergkamp performance, and Cesc would still have been superb without the goals, such was his authority over the middle third. Bendtner, Denilson and Song all impressed, and the two centre backs had a great game.

Gallas has been consistently solid since he lost the captaincy, and I still admire his resilience for handling the punishment so well. The Gallas who broke down in tears and sat petulantly on the Birmingham turf as our title challenge collapsed in February 2007 was expected to seek out a transfer this summer, but he chose against taking the easy way out and has got the fans back on his side. While the Birmingham incident, coupled with the way he pursued his move from Chelsea, betrays an attitude that persistently shames modern football, you can’t say he’s not committed to the cause.

Vermaelen enjoyed about as impressive a debut as a centre back can have. That we were aerially dominant against the likes of Tim Cahill was unexpected, but that our 5’11 new boy is largely to thank was pretty surprising. He showed great strength throughout, demonstrated the kind of influence in defence that only Gallas has shown in the last few years, and showed hints of well-channelled aggression. He has a terrifying look about him that only Nemanja Vidic can rival.

Speaking of which, it is still fairly difficult to judge our progress over the summer with regards to set pieces. We scored two from headers at free kicks (one by Vermaelen) but Everton’s marking was literally nonexistent. At the other end, Verma didn’t handle Fellaini particularly well at a corner – with the score at 1-0, Fellaini’s header would have equalised had it not been for Denilson’s block – but marking a 14 foot tall Screech was always going to be a baptism of fire. Aside from the heading, van Persie and Fabregas played pin-point deliveries in both cases.

Arshavin was quietly industrious, but contributed to a couple of the goals with neat passing. He completed an effective triangle with Bendtner and van Persie which I’m hoping to see more of this season – the three of them looked very comfortable playing together. Bendtner really is one of the most underrated players in the league; his runs are clever, his understanding of the game is excellent and his targetman build, while an integral part of a diverse attack, is deceptive. Song and Denilson, interestingly, were both effective in midfield, shutting down Everton plays and giving Cesc license to roam. Wenger must notice, however, that Cesc still wants to drop deep even with two defensive midfielders alongside him – this is how he plays at his best, and pushing him into the hole behind the forwards prevents him from providing service to them.

Conceding in the dying minutes took some of the gloss off the win, but the way in which we let Saha score was more than an irritation. Clichy was on mixed form last season and made some costly mistakes (thinking he was Ronaldo 30 yards out from his own goal with only Almunia behind him, and with Jenas and Lennon closing him down, was one I won’t forget in a hurry) and had Everton’s goal been of more importance he might have suffered for his contribution. Although he defended superbly throughout the game, and typically provided consistent support to the attack, he was largely to blame for gifting Louis Saha with a square mile and an open goal. With a shot heading straight for Almunia, and Vermaelen coming to his aid, Clichy abandoned Saha and sprinted straight for the closing gap between them. What in God’s name he was trying to do I will never know, but Saha didn’t stop to ask. Although the opportunity was a tad fortunate, I can’t deny that his finish was very good.

I’ll end this post on a needlessly bitter note – yes Ade, you’ve got the better of me, it’s funny what a few extra million can do for motivation. I didn’t see Adebaywhore play once for Arsenal like he did yesterday, not even at his peak in 2007/08. He begged for our sympathy a few weeks ago by asking us if we could turn down 30 pounds when all we have is 10 pounds; evidently now that he’s finally on a liveable wage he’s ready to commit himself on the pitch. He was energetic, would turn on the ball rather than just hold it up for someone more dedicated, and even played some clever passes. Today showed why a replacement for Ade would be utterly pointless, but proved what we always suspected: that playing football with his best friends, on a massive contract at a top club, isn’t good enough for him; but triple that contract, stick him in mid-table, and he’ll play his heart out for fear of going back to such squalid surroundings.

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